You’ve probably spent hours scrolling through Pinterest, imagining that perfect ceremony moment where you lock eyes with your partner and say the most beautiful, heartfelt vows. But then reality hits, you picture yourself standing in front of Aunty Linda, your boss, and 80 other people, trying not to ugly-cry while reading those deeply personal promises you wrote at 2am.
Suddenly, you’re wondering: do we really need to share everything with everyone?
Here’s the thing, your vows are yours. They belong to you and your partner first, and how you choose to share them (or not share them) is completely up to you. There’s no rule book that says you have to bare your soul in front of a crowd, and there’s also nothing wrong with wanting to include your guests in that intimate moment.
Let’s break down your options so you can figure out what feels right for your Gold Coast ceremony.
What Are Private Vows, Actually?
Private vows are exactly what they sound like, promises you exchange with your partner away from the crowd. This could happen during your first look, in a quiet moment before the ceremony, or even the morning of your wedding over breakfast (no judgment on the timing).
These are the unfiltered, deeply personal, sometimes awkward, always genuine promises that might make you both laugh, cry, or remember that embarrassing story from your second date. They’re the vows where you can say “I promise to always pretend your dad’s jokes are funny” without worrying about, well, your dad being right there.
The beauty of private vows is the freedom. You’re not performing for anyone. There’s no time limit, no pressure to sound poetic, and no concern about whether your guests will “get” your inside jokes.
What About Public Vows?
Public vows are the ones you share during your actual ceremony, with all your loved ones watching. These might be traditional vows you’ve chosen, personalized promises you’ve written, or a mix of both.
There’s something powerful about declaring your commitment in front of the people who matter most to you. Your guests aren’t just passive observers: they’re witnesses to your promises. They’re there to support you, celebrate with you, and hold you accountable to the beautiful things you’re saying to each other.
Plus, let’s be honest: your guests want to feel connected to your ceremony. They’ve traveled, bought outfits, and cleared their schedules to be there. Hearing your vows gives them insight into your relationship and makes them feel like they’re part of something meaningful, not just watching a formality.
The Pros of Keeping Vows Private
If you’re leaning toward private vows, you’re in good company. Here’s what makes them appealing:
You can be completely vulnerable without the performance anxiety. If you’re someone who gets emotional easily or hates public speaking, private vows let you express yourself without the added pressure of an audience. You can take your time, pause when you need to, and not worry about whether everyone can hear you.
You get to keep something sacred between just the two of you. In a day where everything feels shared and photographed and witnessed, having one moment that’s purely yours can feel really special. It’s a memory that belongs only to you and your partner.
There’s no need to self-edit. You can reference that ridiculous thing that happened on your third anniversary, or make promises that are deeply personal without worrying if they’ll land with a crowd. Your vows can be as quirky, specific, or sentimental as you want them to be.
The Pros of Sharing Vows Publicly
On the flip side, public vows have their own magic:
Your ceremony feels more personal and meaningful. When guests hear your vows, they understand your relationship better. They laugh at your jokes, tear up at your promises, and feel genuinely connected to what’s happening. Traditional vows are beautiful, but personalized ones make your ceremony uniquely yours.
You’re making a public declaration. There’s something about saying “I promise to love you” in front of 80 people that makes it feel more real, more binding, more significant. Your community becomes part of your promise.
It sets the tone for your entire celebration. Vows often become the emotional centerpiece of a wedding ceremony. They’re the moment everyone remembers, the part that makes people reach for tissues. If you want that kind of emotional impact, public vows deliver.
The Compromise (And Why It’s Genius)
Here’s where it gets interesting: you don’t have to choose just one approach. In fact, some of the best ceremonies I’ve done as a Gold Coast marriage celebrant have combined both private and public vows.
The setup looks something like this: you exchange deeply personal, unfiltered vows with each other privately (maybe during your first look or in a quiet moment before the ceremony). Then, during the actual ceremony, you either repeat simplified versions of those vows or stick with the traditional legal vows that I’ll guide you through.
This gives you the best of both worlds. You get that intimate, just-us moment where you can be completely yourselves. And your guests still get to witness a meaningful exchange during the ceremony: they don’t feel left out of one of the most important moments of your wedding day.
Another popular option is exchanging personal letters instead of spoken vows. You can read these to each other privately in the morning, keeping them as sacred between you, then do traditional vows during the ceremony. Some couples even frame these letters or keep them in a special place to read on anniversaries.
Your Gold Coast Setting Changes Everything
Living and working on the Gold Coast, I’ve seen how our incredible locations can influence this decision. If you’re getting married on a beach: say at Burleigh or Currumbin: you might prefer shorter, public vows simply because of the elements. Wind, waves, and seagulls don’t always cooperate with lengthy, emotional declarations.
But here’s the magic: you could do your private vows during sunrise on that same beach, just the two of you (and maybe your photographer). Then keep the official ceremony vows shorter and sweeter. The Gold Coast sunrise is pretty much the most romantic backdrop you could ask for a private vow exchange.
If you’re getting married in the hinterland: somewhere like Boomerang Farm or O’Reilly’s: you might have more flexibility with timing and noise levels. These venues often have quiet, scenic spots perfect for a private vow moment before your ceremony, then you can head to your ceremony space for the public celebration.
How to Actually Decide
Start by having an honest conversation with your partner about comfort levels. If one of you is terrified of public speaking and the other is completely comfortable, find a middle ground that works for both of you.
Think about what you actually want to say to each other. If your vows are going to reference intimate moments, inside jokes, or deeply personal promises that might not translate well to a crowd, private vows might be your answer.
Consider your ceremony length too. If you’re wondering how long your ceremony should be, adding lengthy personalized vows can extend things significantly. If you want a shorter ceremony, private vows beforehand can help keep your actual ceremony focused and concise.
And here’s a practical tip: if you’re writing your own vows, whether private or public, give yourself time. Don’t leave it until the week before. The best vows come from reflection, not panic-writing at midnight.
What Happens During Your Ceremony
If you choose private vows, we can acknowledge them during your ceremony without sharing the details. I might say something like, “Earlier today, Jess and Tom exchanged personal vows with each other. Now, in front of all of you, they’re going to make their legal commitment.”
This lets your guests know that meaningful vows happened, so they don’t feel like they missed the emotional core of your ceremony, while still protecting the privacy of what you actually said to each other.
If you choose public vows, we’ll work together beforehand to make sure the timing feels right. I’ll guide you through when to pull out your vows, how to handle the nerves, and what to do if you get choked up (spoiler: take your time, it’s beautiful).
There’s No Wrong Choice Here
At the end of the day, your vows: whether whispered privately on a Gold Coast beach at dawn or declared publicly in front of everyone you love: are about the promises you’re making to each other. The location, the audience, the format: none of that matters as much as the commitment behind the words.
I’ve been a gold coast marriage celebrant long enough to know that the most meaningful ceremonies are the ones where couples do what feels authentic to them, not what they think they’re “supposed” to do.
Some couples write novels to each other privately, then giggle their way through traditional vows publicly. Others share beautifully crafted, personal vows with their guests and don’t feel the need for a private moment. Both approaches create incredible, memorable ceremonies.
Let’s Chat About Your Ceremony
If you’re still torn about which direction to go, or if you want to explore that hybrid approach, let’s have a conversation about it. Every couple I work with has a different vision for their day, and part of my job is helping you figure out what will make your ceremony feel genuinely yours.
Whether you’re planning a beach wedding at sunrise, a hinterland celebration surrounded by rainforest, or an intimate backyard ceremony, we can create something that balances your comfort level with meaningful moments your guests will remember.
Your wedding ceremony is the foundation of your entire day. Get it right, and everything else falls into place. And “right” doesn’t mean perfect or traditional or what your mum thinks you should do: it means true to you both.
Reach out when you’re ready to start planning. I promise to help you create a ceremony that feels as comfortable as it does memorable, whether that includes sharing your deepest feelings with 100 people or keeping your most intimate promises just between the two of you.